How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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