we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
