Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
