No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
