tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
