I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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