Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
