If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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