shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
