just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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