You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His nipple licking is glorious
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