I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
