I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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