the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
