So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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