I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
