suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
