youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
