I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
