So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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