Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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