party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
