so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
