LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
