Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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