i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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