her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
