OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
