the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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