guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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