Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
