My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
