woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
