Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
