After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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