Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
