Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
