i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
