This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
