That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
