Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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