i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
