drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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