just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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