With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
