Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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