She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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