I got chris browned last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
