Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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