doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
